A Modern Man by George Carlin
A Modern Man lyrics
"I�m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital
and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-
modern deconstruction that is politically, anatomically
and ecologically incorrect. I�ve been up linked and
downloaded, I�ve been inputted and outsourced, I know
the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of
upgrading. I�m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge,
state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give
you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
I�m new wave, but I�m old school and my inner child is
outward bound. I�m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-
hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-
degradable. I interface with my database, my database
is in cyberspace, so I�m interactive, I�m hyperactive
and from time to time I�m radioactive.
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the
wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I�m
on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I�ve got
no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge
and purge. I�m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top
and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile,
medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart
bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I
tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory
laps. I�m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk,
rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging
workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in
denial!
I�ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a
personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can�t
shut me up. You can�t dumb me down because I�m tireless
and I�m wireless, I�m an alpha male on beta-blockers.
I�m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but
fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-
maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-
definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last!
I�m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty
maturely post-traumatic and I�ve got a love-child that
sends me hate mail.
But, I�m feeling, I�m caring, I�m healing, I�m sharing-
- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver.
My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short
position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its
own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy
junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I�m gender
specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose
intolerant.
I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the �F� word
in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is
hardcore--no soft porn.
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-
van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane.
I�m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in
all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized,
hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-
formulated medical miracle. I�ve been pre-wash, pre-
cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-
packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped,
vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband
capacity.
I�m a rude dude, but I�m the real deal. Lean and mean!
Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard
to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride
with the tide. I�ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and
movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin
and winnin. I don�t snooze, so I don�t lose. I keep the
pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party
hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I�m hangin in,
there ain�t no doubt and I�m hangin tough, over and
out!"
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