Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead (reprise) by Wizard Of Oz
Wizard
Why have you come back?
Dorothy
Please, sir. We've done what you told us.
We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Wizard
Oh - you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
Dorothy
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us - if you please, sir.
Wizard
Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought!
Go away and come back tomorrow!
Dorothy
Tomorrow! Oh, but I want to go home now!
Wizard
Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said come back tomorrow! Oh!
The Great Oz has spoken!
Oh! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Great, Powerful -- has spoken --
Dorothy
Who are you?
Wizard
Well, I - I - I am the Great and Powerful - Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
You are?
Wizard
Uh -
Dorothy
I don't believe you!
Wizard
No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Dorothy
Oh - you're a very bad man!
Wizard
Oh, no, my dear. I - I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow
What about the heart that you promised the Tin Man?
Wizard
Well, I -
Scarecrow
And the courage you promised Cowardly Lion?
Wizard
Well, I -
Tin Man and Lion
And Scarecrow's brain?
Wizard
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity.
Back where I come from we have universities - seats of great learning -
where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out,
they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have. But -
they have one thing you haven't got - a diploma! Therefore, by virtue
of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum,
I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow
Th.D.?
Wizard
Yeah - that - that's Dr. of Thinkology
Scarecrow
How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard
Well, you can't! As for you my fine friend, you are a victim or disorganized thinking.
You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you
have no courage! You are confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come fro mwe have
men who are called heroes. Once a year they take their fortitude out of mothballs and
parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have.
But - they have one thing that you haven't got! A medal!! Therefore, for meritorious conduct,
extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross.
You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Lion
Oh - oh, shucks, folks - I'm speechless!
Wizard
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart!
You don't know how lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Man
But I - I still want one.
Wizard
Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds.
They are called phil....er.....phil...er...er....good-deed-doers
and their hearts are no bigger than yours, but they have one thing you haven't got!
A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure
at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection.
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